Care Planning from a Distance
Following a move in early 2020, I made it a point to keep an eye on my nearest neighbors. Several were single, independent-living elders in their mid to late 80’s, and not all of them had family living nearby. My 10+ years at ECLTN told me that one day I might need to lend a hand or send an SOS signal to someone’s family.
“One day” recently arrived. A very dear neighbor started to show signs of dementia that left her distressed and disoriented. I was honored that she and her family allowed me to help, and it was fortunate that I knew her well enough to track down her son online. But there were moments when I wished I could have reached out sooner or acted faster. With that in mind, I have been thinking about advice I would give a family member who lives at a distance. Here are some tips to help build a fast-acting support network in case an elder loved one ever has an emergency or begins to experience cognitive decline.
1. Check in regularly. Make it a habit to call your loved one daily. Routine contact will raise your awareness of changes. My neighbor’s family was great about staying in touch, so by the time I reached out to them about what I was seeing, they were not completely surprised. If you start to detect changes, call your loved one’s friends or neighbors. Ask if they’ve noticed anything unusual.
2. Give contact info to neighbors. During a visit, take a moment to knock on neighbors’ doors and introduce yourself. If they are willing, exchange phone numbers. Let them know you’re just a phone call away if they ever notice anything amiss. If appropriate, or if things start to change, encourage them to communicate and share information with one another so that everyone can coordinate support.
3. Share a spare key. Identify someone local who can be trusted with a key to your loved one’s house. That might be a friend, neighbor, or pastor. This should be someone you could call on for a safety check if you can’t reach your elder loved one over the phone.
4. Create a shareable document about household basics. Include details like pets’ names and feeding/care instructions, where to find the phone/TV/internet systems, where the breaker box is, where critical light switches are, etc. Make it a Google Doc or some other shareable format that you can quickly send to another family member, a friend, or a neighbor if they are checking in or troubleshooting a problem.
5. Get familiar with local resources. What would you do if an illness, injury, medication disbalance, cognitive decline, or other issue made it necessary for your loved one to be monitored 24/7? What if you couldn’t be there immediately, or what if you couldn’t stay for a long period of time? Call local caregiver service providers to learn what they offer, and keep a list of resources and contact numbers in a safe place so it’s ready in an emergency.
6. Take photos. Make sure you always have several clear, front-facing, and recent photos of your loved one (taken within 6 months) in case sudden cognitive decline leads to wandering. Find out which local agencies send out alerts about missing elders. Alzheimer’s Tennessee’s Silver Alert system is a great resource for elders living in Tennessee.
7. Make sure legal documents are in place, and get copies. If your loved one doesn’t have a Durable Power of Attorney and Health Care Power of Attorney, help them make an appointment with an elder law attorney to get those documents in place. Ensure the originals are stored in a safe place, and provide copies to the people authorized by those documents. In addition, give copies to your loved one’s medical providers.
At Elder Care Law of Tennessee, we help families plan proactively for future changes and respond to care crises. If you’re living far away from an elder loved one, one of the best gifts you can give them – and yourself – is a relationship with a Life Care Planning law firm. They can help you make a comprehensive pre-crisis plan, and they can also jump in and respond to urgent care and legal needs when you are far away. My ultimate long-distance caregiving advice is to connect with your local Life Care Planning law firm before a crisis strikes so that you and your elder loved one don’t have to go it alone.
